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		CHILDREN FEEL LOVED IF THEY HAVE REGULAR CONTACT WITH PARENTS. Children feel they are not loved by a parent who doesn't see them regularly. Children interpret lack of contact as lack of love. So that children feel loved, it is very important for parents to work together to encourage a healthy relationship between children and their far away parent. Regular Contact by telephone and by mail can go a long way to show love to children who live far away. It lets them know Parents think about them often and still love them. The key is SHOW and TELL. When writing or telephoning, don't ask children to give a message to their other parent, don't ask them about the personal life of their other parent and don't talk negatively about their other parent. Children who become messengers or spies or who hear bad things about their parents suffer damage. If is better for children when parents communicate directly with each other. PARENTS FEAR LOSING THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THEY MOVE FAR AWAY. Often at the time of divorce, parents have extreme fears of losing or being denied their relationship with their children. A major move often brings a flashback to these fears and fills parents with desperation as they imagine the difficulty of maintaining a long distance relationship with their children. When one parent is planning to move, the best way to deal with the other parent is by falling them as soon as possible. Secretiveness will intensify fears and distrust. It is very helpful to reassure the other parent that you will continue to encourage a strong relationship between them and the children. It is also very helpful to reassure children they will continue to have regular contact with their other parent. DISTANCE HURTS. "... the physical separation hurts. Many miles means no way to hug, to brush back a forelock of hair, to drop in on football practice, or to watch a first book report being written. The parent separated from the child feels this pain and so does the child" reports Dr. Isolina Ricci in her bestseller, Mom's House Dad's (206). DISTANCE FEELS FINAL. Families separated by distances know "... distance feels final, and gives tangible proof that the parents are separated. A common reaction of children is to fantasize about Mom and Dad getting back together. If a parent or a child has been hoping, however unconsciously, that the old family feeling or the old marriage was not finished, long distance will bring that hope painfully to the surface" (Ricci 206). Don't be surprised if feelings (believed to be long since resolved) come back. This gives another chance for closure of the old relationship and another chance for parents to help children gain more closure around the old family structure. Steps in closure include: 1) notice feelings, 2) experience feelings and emotions, 3) let feelings go. Some people worry if they open the door to feelings and experience their emotions, these feelings will fake over, keeping people stuck in the feelings forever. It is such a relief to discover feelings do not come and stay - feelings come and go. Parents need to help children understand that feelings come and go - so children are not afraid of their feelings.
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